People are always surprised that I met my love of three years on Tinder. In fact, my last few boyfriends before him were also met online. As a woman of color, we are statistically chosen at lower rates than all other women, however those stats never defined my experiences. I always met fun, attractive men online and I have been able to have real relationships with many of them. Here are a few things that I have used to have a better than average experience with online dating.
Foreign men are obsessed with American women. They don't have the same hang-ups as men here (especially men in NY). If they are here, its for work or because they are attracted to the culture here. Many foreign men are not culturally indoctrinated to date multiple women or even hold the same beauty stereotypes. I always swiped right to foreigners.
I never spent longer than 2 weeks talking to a guy without meeting him. After getting a good vibe from a guy, I would plan a date. I didn't worry about the rule that men have to ask first. I remember when I first met my current guy, he was travelling a lot and that made it difficult to pin down a date. I told him honestly I thought he was playing games. He came home for a weekend during a business trip for our first date at the Met. The rest is history.
I always look for one cute thing in a guys photos or his description. Men who are 5's on a scale of 1-10 but own a dog always get picked. Men who have traveled to places I haven't been also always get selected. Men with foreign names get picked and who write as if English is their second language. Divorced men are the secret winners as well. Why not date a man who has already been trained on the husband expectations? Even if that marriage didn't work out, he's back out there for a reason because he knows he's better with a partner versus alone.
I never cared if I saw the guy again once I met a guy online for the first time. Since I hate children and never saw myself as a bride, I had the ability to go into any date as an experiment. How nutty can I be before the guy is turned off? How smart is this guy when I bring up culture, arts or fashion? What facial expression does he make when I say I hate children? Can he enjoy a hole in the wall falafel spot as much as a fancy date at Queen of the Night?
At the end, I'll never know why certain men worked out and other didn't or why I got lucky at met a guy who met all of my requirements and friends cannot get men to commit to a date. I just know that online dating does work when you approach it with the same tenacity as other things in your life.